MTL: Dexter
FTL(Hardest Part): KayL
TLC/Editor: Alisa
Final Editors: G-String
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13
I stepped out onto the rooftop using the key I had borrowed from Chitose in advance.
The sky around was clear and vivid, much like a summer day, yet in the western direction, heavy clouds loomed ominously. Perhaps a sudden evening shower was on its way.
Rain that shifted the seasons. Gradually and surely, we were heading towards autumn.
But before that, with determination in my gaze, I narrowed my eyes.
──We need to bring this September to a close.
Kureha, who was taking in the scenery leisurely while holding onto the railing, opened her mouth;
“So, you can actually get to the rooftop.”
“Chitose has a spare key,” I answered as I stood beside her. Facing opposite directions, I leaned my back against the railing.
“Do you guys often come up here?”
“Once in a while. Chitose and Nishino-senpai seem to be regulars though.”
“I see! I’d love to eat here too.”
“If you ask Chitose, he’ll probably lend you the key.”
“No, that’s not what I meant! I want to eat here with everyone.”
We engaged in an unassuming conversation without meeting each other’s gaze.
It was a scene of tranquil after-school hours that extended endlessly. If you captured only this moment, it would be a small, secret time between a senpai and a kouhai. A page from our youth, to be remembered someday.
Even so, I cut through the air with words like a slashing sword.
“──Is it my turn now?”
Kureha looked at me, her head tilting with confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Though it was a sudden question, her expression and tone remained calm. Perhaps she already steeled herself long before.
I pressed on, probing for her response. “Unfortunately, just taking you to the café that is filled with memories wouldn’t hurt me.”
On the riverside, there was Nishino-senpai, while in the Higashi Park, there was Haru.
At first, I assumed it was just an unfortunate coincidence. But when I saw Kureha arranging to visit his house right before my eyes, a faint suspicion crept in. Somewhere in my mind, a small warning bell rang, and that’s when I offered to accompany them.
And as I expected, the outcome was predictable. Even Uchi ended up getting hurt because of this girl. With these continuous incidents, it was natural to grow a bit skeptical.
But to be honest, right up until the last moment, I couldn’t be certain.
Despite feeling sorry for both Chitose and Uchi, I didn’t intervene to smooth things over. Instead, I remained a spectator, calmly observing the situation unfold.
Still, even with all my intuition as Nanase Yuzuki, I couldn’t decipher Kureha’s true intentions.
Even considering the fact that she had slipped away with Chitose during the training camp’s early morning hours, the picture was still gray and uncertain.
Was she truly just an innocent kouhai, or did she harbor some ulterior motive?
That’s why I planted a small lie. I had resolved that if she took the bait, her intentions would be revealed.
And thus, I locked my gaze onto Kureha standing before me, as though scrutinizing her.
The answers had been tallied. This girl was intentionally trampling upon our space.
Taking a step forward, I opened my mouth to confront her.
“──What do you want with us?”
For a brief moment, Kureha’s eyes betrayed a hint of hesitation before she replied.
“With us?”
In a voice that was uncannily mature, almost chilling, she lifted the corner of her mouth as if unable to contain herself.
She took a step back, adjusting her stance to face me more directly.
“The fact that you can’t even say it’s about Chitose speaks volumes about the distance between you and Yuuko-san right now.”
She provocatively narrowed her eyes, exuding a sensuousness.
──!!!
For some reason, that single sentence felt like it had sliced a thin layer of my resolve.
I had prepared myself to face her head-on, but it had been easily undermined. I was struck by the first blow.
Without trying to gauge my reaction, Kureha intertwined her fingers behind her head.
“Well, well, so Yuzuki-san is the first to catch on, after all,” She wore a subtle smile and looked at me. “But, it’s shallower than I thought.”
“Oh really?” I responded, collecting myself. “So, is this your true nature then?”
Kureha’s eyes widened in surprise, and then she chuckled, her shoulders shaking mirthfully.
“Hey, don’t come at me and then say mean things. I’m part of the sports club too. If a fight’s handed to me, I’ll gladly accept it.”
Well, that’s a valid point. I did start this, after all. There was no reason to pounce just because she had fired back.
“Let me ask you again,” Kureha looked straight at me. “What exactly is this about?”
I was about to say ‘us’ but stopped myself mid-sentence.
…What is this conversation about, anyway?
Sensing the lack of response, Kureha continued. “If all your questions were that, then I’ll answer. I don’t really have any desire to do anything to you guys.”
What I wanted to know was whether she had ulterior motives, and the answer was already given. At the very least, it was clear she wasn’t just an innocent kouhai.
So then, what words had I been planning to weave beyond that?
Kureha spoke with a touch of boredom. “If it’s about not getting any closer to Chitose, I get it. Whether I accept it or not is a different story. But Yuzuki-san, do you really have the right to meddle?”
…No, I don’t.
I was neither Chitose’s family, and certainly not his lover. That had been obvious from the start. I didn’t need a kouhai to point that out.
However, I pressed my brows together. When Nishino-senpai, Haru, and Uchi get hurt, it hurts him too. I couldn’t just let that slide.
I returned Kureha’s stare and spoke firmly. “If you’re trying to take advantage of his kindness, remember that I won’t stay silent.”
“And you’re saying that, Yuzuki-san?”
She casually brushed off my words.
“Yuzuki-san, you asked Senpai to pretend to be your boyfriend because you were being harassed by someone troublesome, right? You must’ve known he wouldn’t refuse once asked. Frankly, it’s dangerous. I don’t know if it qualifies as stalking, but won’t that resentment and hatred eventually be directed at Senpai?”
Kureha let out an exasperated sigh, sounding almost disappointed.
“Isn’t what you’ve done much worse?”
──!!!
It felt like I’d been slashed straight across the chest. It was an undeniable hit, something I couldn’t escape.
More than anyone else, it was me who had taken advantage of his kindness.
As if to drive the point home, she went on;
“Asuka-san, Haru-san, and Yua-san are the same too. Is there any of them who haven’t taken advantage of Senpai’s kindness?” She asked, her smile melting like honey, enticing and perplexing. “Don’t just leave me out, okay?”
What she said was undeniably true.
Whether Kureha knew the extent of it or not, Chitose who accompanied Nishino-senpai to Tokyo, Chitose who supported Haru when she wasn’t getting along with her teammates, and Uchi—it was clear that they had all been saved in some way in the past.
Of course, just like myself, there were likely many more hidden moments that occurred behind the scenes.
All of us had leaned on Chitose’s kindness.
I bit my lip lightly and locked eyes with Kureha. “Why are you getting close to Chitose?”
Without hesitation, Kureha responded. “Well, obviously, because I like Senpai.”
She grinned playfully.
As expected. My eyebrows slightly furrowing. I had a faint inkling of this.
Like marking my answer sheet with a bold circle, I continued. “Even before joining the cheer squad, right?”
“Huh?” Kureha finally displayed a genuinely surprised expression. “Why do you think that?”
I stated nonchalantly, “There was always something off. You refer to all of us with ‘-san,’ but with Chitose, it’s always ‘Senpai.’ There’s no way someone like that wouldn’t be special.”
Pausing for a moment, I exhaled a short breath.
“And there are similar examples close by.”
Kureha seemed to catch on right away and clapped her hands together.
“Oh, you’re talking about Asuka-san…!” Her giggles echoed playfully, as if she was being tickled. “I knew it was pretty obvious, but I just couldn’t let that go.”
“Because,” Kureha mused, her fingertips brushing against her cheek. “Being able to call him ‘senpai’ is one of the special perks of being a kouhai, don’t you think?”
With her gaze, both enchanting and beguiling, she managed to hold me captive even though we were of the same gender.
Why didn’t I notice earlier?
The person standing in front of me wasn’t just an innocent underclassman. She was wrapped in an alluring air that sent a shiver down my spine – a woman deeply in love.
I gathered my resolve and inquired, “Can I ask you something?”
Kureha responded with an innocent smile. “Yes, absolutely!”
“Why do you like Chitose?”
Perhaps it was a simple matter of curiosity.
If, by any chance, that kind-hearted Chitose Saku had been playing a hero again without us knowing, I thought maybe I could begin to understand a fraction of Kureha’s emotions.
Yet, the kouhai smirked mischievously, her tongue grazing her lips…
“──Just a straightforward case of love at first sight. Why, is there a problem with that?”
For the third time, she brushed aside the question bluntly. Her unflinching gaze almost overwhelmed me, leaving me momentarily disarmed.
She’s strong, I thought, a sharp pang hitting me unexpectedly in the chest.
There was a time when I, too, had feelings I could proudly cherish. But how did that fervor gradually transform into a gentle warmth over time?
Still, I couldn’t back down. I continued. “Then why such a convoluted approach?”
It was so cunningly disguised that neither Chitose nor I had realized it. Kureha had consistently acted as a kouhai all along.
Yet, no matter how much she wore that mask, it wouldn’t cause the man she loved to see her as a woman who yearned for him.
“Although you’re well aware, Yuzuki-san, you’re surprisingly a bit sly, aren’t you?”
Kureha began a leisurely stroll along the rooftop’s railing, her fingers tracing its edge.
“Yuuko-san, Yua-san, Yuzuki-san, and Haru-san, along with Asuka-san. You can practically see that there’s no room for any other girls in Senpai’s heart.”
Her gaze turned toward me, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “So, that’s why I initially had to appear as an innocent underclassman. I believed if I did that, Senpai would eventually welcome me into his world.”
I mulled over her words, I bit my lip in realization of her point.
“Please don’t be angry with Senpai. Currently, he only sees me as his junior. That’s why he couldn’t draw the line he typically would with other girls.”
“Don’t underestimate him; he’s not oblivious.”
Chitose was already quite the complex character. It might seem strange coming from me, but it was accurate that anyone else attempting to approach him would likely be pushed away. However, if it were the innocent fondness of a kouhai who saw him neither as a man nor a lover, Chitose Saku would easily welcome it.
From that perspective, Kureha’s method might be the closest thing to the right answer if she intended to get closer to him.
I stole a glance at the side of her face, looking one step ahead of us. Despite the urge to click my tongue in frustration, I couldn’t remain silent.
Softly, I infused my words with the cold anger brewing within me. “So, this was your approach? Disguised as naive, you deliberately trampled upon our place?”
Kureha seemed taken aback, her response sounding so typically kouhai-like. “Hey! Don’t portray me like some sort of villain!” She halted her steps, her eyes meeting mine with earnestness. “Yuzuki-san, have I done something deceitful?”
“That’s… well…” Caught off guard, I stumbled over my words.
“Staking a claim as Senpai’s partner, practicing pair dances by the riverside, having fun playing catch in the park, cooking meals at his house…” Kureha’s voice reached me again, likely eyeing my reactions. “Have I done anything deceitful?”
…No, she hadn’t. That’s why I’d been grappling with her intentions.
Even though she approached under the guise of an innocent underclassman, it wasn’t wrong. After all, there were no established rules that dictated she couldn’t conceal her affections.
“Hey, Yuzuki-san?” Kureha’s voice resonated as if it could see through the depths of my soul. “Everyone, aren’t they genuinely kind and close?”
A soft chuckle escaped her lips, laced with a touch of derision.
“If you had wished to dance with Senpai, you only needed to voice it. If you had wanted to sit by that riverside, you could have done just that. Playing catch or preparing meals are the same. However…” Her narrowed eyes bore into me, cutting like a verdict, “None of you would consider it, would you? Because of your kindness, because of your closeness.”
──Thump.
In an instant, my heart surged within my chest, as though struck directly, and my throat tightened in response.
I responded with a voice that struggled to mask my emotions. “Are you implying that our relationship is shallow?”
Kureha shook her head calmly.
“No, I genuinely believe they’re wonderful relationships. It gleams, radiates a gentle warmth, and shines with brilliance. You might find it hard to believe, but my admiration for all of you is sincere. I’ve always looked on from the outside with envy. I never meant to cause pain to Asuka-san, Haru-san, Yua-san, or anyone else. Those tears were real. Ah, I recognized that I had inadvertently trampled upon the places they hold dear. It was painful, and a deep sorrow gripped me.”
Strangely, her words seemed devoid of ulterior motive, carrying a genuineness that was hard to deny. Even if it was too late to feign indifference, Kureha’s expression, a blend of longing and anguish, portrayed her feelings honestly.
“However,” she poised her weapon anew, her words cutting through. “Aren’t these assumptions something you all reached on your own?”
As I feared, those words…
“──To lay claim to those places even though you’re not his lover.”
They felt like a blade thrusting into my chest.
──Thump, thump, thump, thump.
The pounding of my heart became a clamor in my ears.
Calm down, steady yourself, be still.
As I repeated these breaths to soothe my racing heart, the words flowed forth;
“When it comes to you, Yuzuki-san, it’s even more vague.”
Ah, Kureha was about to say something decisive.
“Yuuko-san is a fitting presence beside Senpai, Yua-san cooks meals for him every day, Haru-san bonds with him through sports, and Asuka-san is undoubtedly someone he looks up to.”
It was as if she was exposing the vulnerabilities I had been feigning ignorance of.
“Yuzuki-san, where is your place?”
──Thud!
“Apart from being saved by Senpai, what other connections do you have?”
“──!”
I could no longer restrain the turmoil surging within me. She had penetrated my facade. Effortlessly, even by a junior I had barely known.
“──I, who have been saved unconditionally, have nothing to offer Chitose in return.”
The truth was, I had been aware of it from the start. Masking it with phrases like ‘birds of a feather,’ my heart had screamed in silent protest, questioning, “What does it matter?”
Even if that interpretation was accurate, was there a purpose in deliberately selecting a mirror image of oneself?
Calling it a special bond loophole, a means to be around without any specific reason, was a flimsy excuse at best.
Amongst us, I was the only one nurturing this unilateral, hollow yearning.
Kureha’s discourse flowed on, seemingly uninterested in a senpai who couldn’t counter any of it.
“Well, that’s alright,” She dismissed the agonizing deliberations that had plagued my mind time. “I’ll say it once more, though: you all are close, and kind. You accommodate each other, and you avoid intruding upon each other’s precious places.”
Her words resonated as a distressing echo.
I hadn’t sat by that riverside, I hadn’t joined in Haru and Chitose’s throws, and I wouldn’t even contemplate entering his kitchen unless compelled by unusual circumstances.
Because I refused to become Nanase Yuzuki of that sort.
Envy, audacious intrusion, desecrating cherished memories — those actions contradicted my principles.
“However,” Kureha’s verdict didn’t waver, “Everyone just continues on without moving forward or wanting to step back.”
Wait a moment.
No, not there.
You didn’t know the April, May, June, July, and that August leading up to this point. Our stage of concealed calmness. A newcomer shouldn’t barge in with their dirty shoes.
Kureha inched closer, as if declaring warfare or aiming for a decisive blow. With an apparent disregard for polite decorum, she said,
“──Holding hands, forming a circle, content in your stagnation.”
She drove a blade directly into my core.
──!!!
The weight of the word “stagnation” lingered, its gravity pressing against my lips. I clenched my fist against my chest in an attempt to quell the wild beating of my heart.
That concise word held the very essence of our current situation.
“Yuuko’s confession and its aftermath will inevitably thrust us into a momentary stagnation, for better or worse.”
September unfolded just as we had expected. We exchanged congratulatory pats on the back, uttered phrases like ‘well done’ and ‘thank you for your hard work.’ We celebrated each other’s efforts, relishing in a fleeting sense of accomplishment.
Nanase Yuzuki displayed the consideration not to disturb these moments.
“However,” Kureha persisted as if that wasn’t enough. “Because I’m not content, I’ve always held a wish.”
With a touch of sorrow, she casted her gaze downward, embodying the innocence of a child.
“If there were other girls in Senpai’s heart, I wouldn’t want that. I want to paint everything in my own colors,” she whispered her heartfelt desire. “After all, isn’t it a kouhai’s duty to rely on their senpai?”
Beautiful, her words strangely ensnared my attention. This junior of mine was so earnest that she would willingly cast everything aside for the one she loved.
──She was simply engrossed by a single-minded, ardent love.
I spun my words as if tracing a worn-out cut. “I understand your sentiments, Kureha.”
“Yes! I’m happy!”
“But if Chitose were to discover everything, he might end up hurt.”
“That’s possible.”
“Using tactics akin to deception, it wouldn’t be strange for him to resent you.”
“I don’t mind,” with the charm of a child, Kureha interjected resolutely. “It’s not love if you aren’t prepared to hurt.”
It wasn’t about being hurt; it was about hurting. Her direct gaze overwhelmed in its own right.
While I believed any girl in love was prepared for the prospect of being hurt, how many were genuinely prepared to hurt the one they loved?
…I’m scared.
I could endure being hurt, but I didn’t want to be the cause of his pain.
“Furthermore,” Kureha pressed on. “I’d rather be despised than left in indifference.”
Her eyes held a quivering, yet stunning determination.
“If that compassionate Senpai notices me to such an extent, wouldn’t that be happiness in itself?” She grinned with an impish innocence.
I couldn’t help but feel pierced through. My own weaknesses, inadequacies, wretchedness, and lamentable state.
──Thump, thump, thump, thump.
“But I don’t want to lie. When Yuuko-san proposed becoming friends, when Senpai declared I was a part of the group, I didn’t nod. I want to be included, yet I cannot befriend and I won’t join your circle. The moment when my wish comes true is when I cause you all pain.”
Kureha murmured, her gaze focused on her own palm. “Holding hands would lead to stagnation.”
“That’s why,” she lifted her face. “If you’re yearning for this kind of time to continue indefinitely…”
She proclaimed, her words directed like a pointed arrow;
“──then I believe that kind of love is a fake.”
“──!!!”
The western sky rumbled, a deep, rolling sound. The expanse of blue gradually gave way to shades of black.
“Why…?” In a fragile, breathy voice, I managed to speak, “Why are you…”
So strong? The unspoken words hung in the air.
Kureha leaned against the railing, her gaze fixed on the approaching storm clouds as she spoke.
“Have you ever wondered, if the sequence of our encounters had been different?”
Taken aback, I observed her somewhat fragile profile.
“For instance, if we had been in the same class from the beginning, if we had been childhood friends…” She continued in a slightly solitary tone. “Imagine if, when you fell in love, the person’s heart was already occupied by someone else, and you thought, ‘What if I had met him before the other girl did?‘”
It would be a lie to say I had never entertained such musings. If I had the time that Yuuko, Uchi, and Nishino-senpai had spent with him, maybe we could have grown closer.
Kureha turned her gentle gaze toward me. Her voice resonated without pretense, as if she were simply stating undeniable facts.
“I’m beautiful enough not to pale in comparison to you, Yuzuki-san. I can cook like Yua-san, and I’m not inferior to Haru-san in sports either. If I set my mind to it, I could even offer advice like Asuka-san.”
Drip, drip, drop.
The tears of rain began to fall, moistening our cheeks.
“But to be excluded just because I happened to meet everyone a little late? I can’t accept such a reason. I’ve been nothing but myself all along, so why should I be overshadowed by a mere twist of fate? That’s why…”
Thunder rumbled like a growl.
Carrying the threshold between sunshine and rain, Kureha spoke;
“I want to rewind spring.”
A flash of lightning streaked across the sky.
“I won’t lose to a woman who can’t even commit herself wholeheartedly, Nana-san.”
Sweeping aside her damp hair, her eyes bore a captivating hue that sent a shiver down my spine.
“──I’m going to prove that I can pierce through Senpai’s melancholy.”
The junior girl erupted into a vibrant, carefree smile.
A teardrop traced its way down my cheek.
…It’s futile.
As the current Nanase Yuzuki, I couldn’t reach her, couldn’t compete. One day, Kureha would inevitably lead Chitose far away. Effortlessly, she would envelop our shared time, snatching away our places.
And with that shrewd desire transformed into a bullet,
──She would shoot through the serene moon.
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Plebian Translation 